The REAL Real Thing

Without “benefit” of US Government subsidies promoting the production and use of high fructose corn syrup, our Coca-Cola lovin’ neighbors to the north and south enjoy a more old school (post-cocaine old school) version of the bubbly treat, made with pure cane sugar. And once a year, we Gringos can get our grubbies on MexiCoke, too.

So elusive, even some Members of the Tribe think it’s a myth. Coke that’s kosher for Passover. This shiksa gets schvitzy running around town trying to find the stuff every year. In addition to not being widely available (even in NYC!), one reason it's hard to spot is that the bottles aren’t labeled any differently, including the nutritional information, which lists "high fructose corn syrup and/or sucrose" among its main ingredients. What identifies it is the yellow cap with a “KP” and/or a marking in Hebrew with an "OUP" symbol, guaranteeing it to meet all Passover requirements by not containing grain products. If your market has a special Passover section, it may be there, but also scan the soda aisle for yellow caps. Stockers don’t always know from Passover Coke. Your best bet is to look in markets found in ‘hoods with large or largeish Jewish communities. I’ve also found it at FreshDirect, the Upper West Side Fairway, and that skinky smelling place over by the 92nd Street Y on the Upper East Side. (Attention NYC grocers! Stank drives customers away. Do something about it, eh?)

I’ve heard fables of 12-oz. cans with “KP” on the bottom, the Hebrew lettering on the top, and sucrose listed in the ingredients in place of HFCS, but sadly, I’ve only found it in the 2-litre bottles. If you see kosher cans in Manhattan, help a bitch out and tell me where? ‘Cause once Passover passes, so do these Cokes.

I have to talk myself into thinking it tastes different, though those with more sophisticated pop palates say it does. It does seem more fountainy, the foam is finer -- downright Guinnessesque -- and it’s a bit less guilty a pleasure, being that sugar won’t kill ya quite as quickly as high fructose corn syrup will. That, and any chance to thumb my nose at the government’s subsidizing ill health, I’m gonna do it.

What few shelves it will hit, it’ll hit ‘em around 3/15/07. And hey, yo Gentiles! Don’t be greedy. Observant Jews need this stuff more than you do. If any bottles remain languishing on the shelves after Passover, back the truck up and drink le'chaim. But until then, oneworldonelove, Brothers and Sisters.

And mark your calendars for next year.

6 comments:

Unknown said...

The other 364 days, i might suggest one of the many interesting flavors of Jones Soda, now available in cans AND, convenienctly, now found at most major retailers.

The fact that i am a minor Shareholder of Record in this outfit has nothing to do with my pointing this out.
I'm just trying to be helpful.

Regards, etc.

-Dr. Hewmann

Miss P-Pie said...

Well, that’s easier than fleeing to Canada or Mexico. And slightly cheaper.

Good to see you, Dr. Hewmann. And happy to be spammed by you, too. I’ll play along…

The pure cane goodness of Jones Soda in a can? Making it therefore lower in price and more widely available in grocery markets, convenience marts, and discount stores, nationwide? And maybe even, dare I say, soda machines? Why, that’s too good to be true! What’s that you say? Look for it soon on the beverage aisles of my neighborhood (well, not MY neighborhood) Walmart and Target Stores? WooHooo AND hooty-hoo! But please tell me I can still enjoy the frosty pleasures of Jones Soda, made with real sugar, in bottles, too.

End of commercial. I’ll send you my SAG number and the address to which you should send the check. Pleasure doing business with you, Doctor. And good luck with your portfolio.

Anonymous said...

Did you know there is Passover Pepsi, too?

Dee Fish said...

I have a friend who brings me glass bottles of Dr. Pepper from a town in Ohio that still uses Sugar and it's freakin' delicious!

Thanks for the tip about the Cokes! I'm totally gonna get me a bunch. I apologize to any Jews I'll be denying, but I'm an athiest who LOVES Sugar! ;)

Miss P-Pie said...

Athiest sugar lover? You're my kinda people, Dandy Q. Godspeed in your quest.

Miss P-Pie said...

Did I know there's also Passover Pepsi?

Y’know how it’s mandated that Yankee fans must despise the Mets? That’s how I am about Pepsi. When it’s brought into my home (the boyfriend likes it), I’ll talk a big dissin’ game, but the truth is, I’ll drink it. It corrodes car paint just as well as the other stuff, and the sugar crashes provided by both are virtually indistinguishable.

I’ve been to a Mets game, too. Ain’t nothin’ wrong with them boys.

Yes, I had heard there was Passover Pepsi, Anonymous. But thanks for the reminder.