Actually, mine’ve been here for about a week, but I can’t type so well with Samoa-sticky fingers. Girl Scout cookies are as American as Antonella Barba Syndrome, and my contribution toward ending the East Coast / West Coast Hip Hop rivalry is I get my cookies from out West. (Actually, it’s ‘cause NYC Scouts are shot on sight by bored cops, so a West Coast sweetheart sends me some every year. But the Hip Hop harmony would be a fine by-product, no?) Since the Girl Scouts use two different bakeries, I’ll try to provide the names of the East Coast versions, as well.
Do-Si-Dos / Peanut Butter Sandwich – Tasty and crispity, but as with most filled things, not enough filling for me. Maybe if I dragged one through some peanut butter…
All Abouts - Taste like childhood. Frilly shortbread cookies that sat in chocolate for a sec right before packaging. They have sayings on them, but mine have all been et, so I can’t tell you what they were. Oh, wait. There are pictures on the box… “Girl Scouts are about friendship, leadership, values, fun…” Hmmm. I thought Girl Scouts were about googies. (Awfully similar to the East Coast Thanks-Alots, which just say Thank You. A lot. But not as interestingly as a Mickey Avalon tattoo.)
Café Cookies (not available in the East) - I can imagine some 12-ounce Midtown girl sitting with her half-caf sugar-free soy cuppa and breaking one of these into teensy slivers, savoring each one whilst she debates having a second. Me, I get halfway through a sleeve of ‘em, then go forage through the fridge for something to spread atop the rest. Lemony cream cheese, maybe? Sarabeth’s Blood Orange Marmalade? Peanut butter? Delicately cinnamony and pleasingly Euro looking, these may indeed go well with coffee. But the rivety button shape and gooeylessness just cries out to be dolloped with something fattening.
Sugar-Free Little Brownies – Now, why would I put such a thing in my mouth? (Also not available in the East.)
Tagalongs / Peanut Butter Patties – Others do the chocolate/peanut butter/cookie combo better, and in less cloying versions, but these are perhaps the most texturally complicated (!) of the Girl Scout goodies. Bite into it and your teeth sink (sink, I tells ya!) through the soft layer of peanut butter goo and are halted by the cookie, which snaps and crumbles into your mouth. Then you wanna see what that feels like upside down, then popping a whole cookie into your mouth, then two at a time, then… Before you know it, you’ve got an empty box and a fond memory.
Trefoils / Shortbread – Not interested.
Lemonades and Cartwheels – Sounds like an Oprah’s Book Club selection, dunnit? “Uncle Daddy touched me! Watch me cry on TV! Then read all about it at the beach!” Sadly, these two newish additions are only available in the East, and therefore foreign to New Yorkers who don’t have a Scout mom in the office.
Thin Mints – A classic. A lovely little tug-of-war between warmth and cool. Great with vanilla ice cream.
Samoas / Caramel DeLites – My abso-favorites. Stripy lug nuts of luscious, with cookie at the center, a dark chocolate bottom, an abundanza of toasted coconut atop, with occasional peeks of caramel sheen shining through. Any cookie that’s covered, dunked, topped, AND drizzled is my kinda cookie. The memory of these things keeps me going, April through March. Worth buying a freezer for.
Do-Si-Dos / Peanut Butter Sandwich – Tasty and crispity, but as with most filled things, not enough filling for me. Maybe if I dragged one through some peanut butter…
All Abouts - Taste like childhood. Frilly shortbread cookies that sat in chocolate for a sec right before packaging. They have sayings on them, but mine have all been et, so I can’t tell you what they were. Oh, wait. There are pictures on the box… “Girl Scouts are about friendship, leadership, values, fun…” Hmmm. I thought Girl Scouts were about googies. (Awfully similar to the East Coast Thanks-Alots, which just say Thank You. A lot. But not as interestingly as a Mickey Avalon tattoo.)
Café Cookies (not available in the East) - I can imagine some 12-ounce Midtown girl sitting with her half-caf sugar-free soy cuppa and breaking one of these into teensy slivers, savoring each one whilst she debates having a second. Me, I get halfway through a sleeve of ‘em, then go forage through the fridge for something to spread atop the rest. Lemony cream cheese, maybe? Sarabeth’s Blood Orange Marmalade? Peanut butter? Delicately cinnamony and pleasingly Euro looking, these may indeed go well with coffee. But the rivety button shape and gooeylessness just cries out to be dolloped with something fattening.
Sugar-Free Little Brownies – Now, why would I put such a thing in my mouth? (Also not available in the East.)
Tagalongs / Peanut Butter Patties – Others do the chocolate/peanut butter/cookie combo better, and in less cloying versions, but these are perhaps the most texturally complicated (!) of the Girl Scout goodies. Bite into it and your teeth sink (sink, I tells ya!) through the soft layer of peanut butter goo and are halted by the cookie, which snaps and crumbles into your mouth. Then you wanna see what that feels like upside down, then popping a whole cookie into your mouth, then two at a time, then… Before you know it, you’ve got an empty box and a fond memory.
Trefoils / Shortbread – Not interested.
Lemonades and Cartwheels – Sounds like an Oprah’s Book Club selection, dunnit? “Uncle Daddy touched me! Watch me cry on TV! Then read all about it at the beach!” Sadly, these two newish additions are only available in the East, and therefore foreign to New Yorkers who don’t have a Scout mom in the office.
Thin Mints – A classic. A lovely little tug-of-war between warmth and cool. Great with vanilla ice cream.
Samoas / Caramel DeLites – My abso-favorites. Stripy lug nuts of luscious, with cookie at the center, a dark chocolate bottom, an abundanza of toasted coconut atop, with occasional peeks of caramel sheen shining through. Any cookie that’s covered, dunked, topped, AND drizzled is my kinda cookie. The memory of these things keeps me going, April through March. Worth buying a freezer for.
Meet the cookies. Girl Scouts have strict rules prohibiting online sales, but you can visit GirlScoutCookies.org for more glisteny close-up cookie porn photos, and to see about a local hook-up. Or you can find outlaw moms peddling them on Ebay.
Outlaw Moms. Next month's Oprah's Book Club selection.
No comments:
Post a Comment