Attention, Easter shoppers! Screw the hollow bunnies, and look out, Cadbury’s! There’s an anatomically correct, 485,460 calorie Jesus at Lab Gallery on 47th and Lex. 200 pounds of milk chocolate. (Sounds like a Taj Mahal song, dunnit?) Never thought I’d say this about a religious icon, but… like to break me off a piece o' that.(Pass, actually. I prefer dark.)
UPDATE: The gallery has grabbed ankles to papal pressure and decided chocolate Jesus might just spoil their dinner. Not sure what they’ll do with the masticable Messiah now. I say lock him in a room with a dozen pre-menstrual women and all evidence will be destroyed inside of twenty minutes. In other news, I ate a whole swag sized box of Godiva last night, whilst pondering the demise of the diet-y deity. I don’t care what Bill Moyers says, this brand of religion is part street gang, part Bink for the weak. (The rest of us use cocktails.) Praise the Lord and bon appetit!
PS: This is fun. Has anyone used ‘tasty totem’ yet? How ‘bout ‘yummy Yahweh’?
11 comments:
Sweet Jesus!?! Everybody knows he's a savory saviour! Fist-pumping rage!
A coupla decades back, when I was a young punk with dreams of being a writer/cartoonist, I did a cover cartoon for a midwest underground paper featuring a crucified Easter Bunny. Tagline: "He Died for Your Teeth."
Thanks for carving a path for the irreverent chocolatiers (et al) of today, Wilson. And for gracing my humble blog with your esteemed presence.
*Miss Peep curtsies to The Blogfather*
The Chocolate League, eh? Sounds intimidating, but surely you’re no match for the scary-powerful God Mafia.
(Good luck with that fist thing. Mine are full of original flavor Sun Chips right now, otherwise I’d be right there with ya, my brothuh. Honest.)
I'd convert to Christianity for a piece of THAT! Blasphemy and Chocolate go GREAT together. He He.
Jeepers, I thought "He died for our sins" became chocotastically real and I'm sad i couldn't make the trip to see it. I would'a. Dang. Seriously.
I hate it when i read something bizarre like this first thing in the morning.
Now i'm gonna be walking around chocolatizing the Bible all day.
I can't help myself.
Mmmm…. Chocolatizing the Bible. I’ll take a warm slice of Deuteronomy, please. With some whup cream and sprinkles?
**godlessHomerdrool**
Mplsmary! Your pilgrimage may still be warranted. Last I heard, Chocolate Jesus was riding around in a pimped out (refrigerated) van, looking for another gallery to show Christ-like mercy and make room at the inn. Or better, give the Dude a flop straight through the end of melting season. Maybe some sugar daddy has a sweet tooth and an empty guest house in The Hamptons? I wouldn’t mind force-feeding him to Rudy Giuliani, who appears to already have something akin around his shit-eating grin.
And from the Roll Away the Scone department (dear GOD, I crack me up), there’s this...
http://www.unconfirmedsources.com/?itemid=2404
*forgets what he started out to post after reading that link*
Oh, yeah...
Hey, Ms P, check THIS out!
Well, first, it's been a REALLY bad day.
So i come home and thought i'd follow up my idea of chocolatizing some famous Bible quotes and googled "famous bible quotes".
I don't wanta take this thing off topic but dig the first thing that popped up:
Proverbs 23: 31/33 - Bible Quotes - Wine - Confusing
Give beer to those who are perishing, wine to those who are in anguish; let them drink and forget their poverty and remember their mysery no more.
WOW!
I feel Validated!
(and i just searched "famous bible verses; don't ask me where Google got "wine" and "confusing".
I'm more in the latter catagory but i'm going with beer, anyway.
I'll have to get back to you with my Bible Chocolatizing ideas.
Sounds like a good plan, Dr. Hewmann. Long as it ain't that cheap domestic beer.
Word to the wise, though: Before you start obediently hittin' the hooch (what a good Christian you are), better write down your "mystery" somewhere. "Remembering it no more" is all well and good for tonight, but tomorrow you'll wish you knew where you'd put it.
That, and your car keys.
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