NYC Gives Cheek to St. Patrick's Day

First we schedule our 2007 race riots to begin during St. Patrick’s Day week. Then we say we don’t want drunk firemen leading our St. Patrick’s Day Parade any more. What else will New York City do to put the kip on St. Patrick’s Day? Do away with the Shamrock Shake?

Yup. The greater NYC regional McDonalds outlets have voted against carrying the nearly 40-year-old mint milkshake this year. While the rest of the free world enjoys this seasonal touchstone, New York City Micky D’s have decided to maintain their current focus on coffee products and sticky tables.

I can't do anything about the race riots. And bolloxed Bravest are easy enough to find. But a better-than-you’re-used-to Shamrock Shake can pretty much be duplicated at home by dropping vanilla ice cream, milk, mint extract, and food coloring into a milkshake maker. (NOT a blender.) Just like McDonalds', except with actual dairy products.

In the meantime, you may lodge complaints of your ShamrockShakelessness by filling out this bitch form, or by hitting the grassroots (get it?) site Bring Back the Shamrock Shake. Displeasure at the looming race riots should be directed to Queens District Attorney Richard A. Brown. (Ask him to cool it with the last minute fake mystery witnesses, will ya?) And send your kiss-me-arse about the drunk firemen dis to Parade Chairman John Dunleavy. Or you can just boo him at the parade. Like the drunk firemen will be doing.