The Year of the Pig

With the traditional Chinese New Year firecrackers Giuliani-ed nearly a decade ago, and regrettably replaced this year by a “limited and controlled” fireworks display (isn’t that like a “limited and controlled” orgasm?), one must find another way to welcome this porcine annum.

I recommend taking advantage of the edible-ness of this new year’s namesake, celebrating with what is perhaps my all-time favorite comfort food, roast pork chow fun. (Note: no matter how inviting the menu makes it sound, this should not be done for the year of the dog, horse, or rat.)

Back home in Virginia, all I saw of chow fun was when it was written on plywood signs in front of Chinese fast food places where the disgusto in the grease traps could be seen from the highway. But since discovering this concoction’s homey goo’ness, I’ve based all my where-I-order-my-Chinese-from decisions on who has the tastiest version of this dish. (Currently Wu Liang Ye on East 86th, where they serve up really good, if inconsistent, glob of it.)

Chow fun is a thin, flat rice noodle, sometimes varied and alternately called mei fun or mai fun, and when you pepper it with smoky-sweet and red-edged roast pork slices, I swear, that and a broken-in pair of sweatpants can make you forget all about this from-beyond-the-grave slap fight Britney and Anna Nicole are having over who snags the creepiest headlines.

Sorry, Anna Nicole, but when whichever eBayer wins Spears’ shears-shorn (by the sea shore) locks publishes the hair analysis results, she’ll surely pull ahead in the media whore-lympics. Personally, buying a celebrity’s hair is, like, so two husbands ago. At three Marlboro butts, a small vial of backwash, and a signed affidavit from actor Ben Gazzara, swearing he’s not hiding (and sometimes not hiding) up Britney’s skirt*, my Brit-abilia collection’s only a starter. But still. I’d not trash it up with a fallen idol’s beauty shop sweepins.

I am, however, bidding on that Red Bull can. If I can harvest some spittle from it, I’ll have a matching set.

*For a NSFW photo-illustration of just who's snug as a bug 'neath Brit's C-section scar, click on the pig. Or on the piggy bank.